I’m not quite sure if you’re aware
But I miss you more than I can bear
I love you
Source: Staples
eReader Department
Lemonade stands
Felt that surge of energy leave a while ago. You spent your last labored breath all in one place. Waking up wearing nothing when you don’t remember taking it all off the night before is nothing short of terrifying. Exposed and vulnerable, hiding between cheap thread counts. It’s not just your eyes that can cry, though. Sadness seeps through your skin like rainwater soaks through your socks when you walk outside without your shoes just after a storm to see a rainbow. and sometimes it hurts to breathe so bad you don’t even want to live anymore. Haven’t you ever felt a burst of air rip through your lungs like it belonged to a family of knives, feeding your deepest fears? I don’t want to live in a house with only back doors and no mirrors. God, if I swallow my heart one more time I’ll choke and surely sleep forever.
And surely, surely I’ll sleep forever.
Inutile et Indispensable: To Die on a Shower Floor
I don’t have any words for this, it’s so beautiful. I just want to show it to the world.It’s difficult. To hold all pain in the center of ones chest. And when the heart finally explodes on impact, who do you think will clean it up? Find that person. And find all the pills those little hands can hold, because I’m feeling shaky and my feet are cold. It has always seemed like a fantasy,…
I promise to be yours until my heart stops beating and then forever after as my soul searches for yours in every life it sees. I’ll love you when you’re happy and when you’re hurting, when you’re hard to understand or impatient or sad. I’ll always try my hardest to give you the space you need, hold you and kiss you when you’re worried or wearied, never let you go because you’re the love of my life, the god of my idolatry, my one true love. I adore who you are in every way a person can adore another, you’re worth every second I have to spend alone, but God how I miss you. One month from now and we will finally be together for real and forever, never leave me again because this is where you’ve always belonged and I’ll never let you go, you’re everything that’s right, everything that’s beautiful. Happy second one year baby, the first back in each other’s arms where we’ve always wanted to be and the first of a hundred. I love you sweet basily, I love you and our future looks so bright, it’s everything we’ve waited for all this time
(via jennalovex)
Lack of motivation” is a generally misunderstood symptom of depression. It does not mean that I sit around thinking, “Oh, I’m so depressed; why bother to do shit I don’t want to do anyway.” It means not that I lack discipline, but that there is a mental disconnect between my conscious mind, which says I want or need to do X, and the part of my brain which actually initiates activity. It prevents me from doing things I would very much like to do, as well as things I need to do, rather than indicating simply a lack of interest in doing things which are not immediately rewarding.
If you want or need to go somewhere, whether somewhere you’re eagerly looking forward to going, or somewhere routine, or to the dentist for a root canal which you may be much averse to but have nevertheless decided will leave you better off in the long run, and you get in your car, turn the key in the ignition repeatedly, yet the engine sputters but does not engage, this is not an indication that you don’t really want to go anywhere. It’s an indication that something is wrong with the equipment you need to transport you there.
I am fully capable of sitting for hours, thinking periodically, “I need to pee,” then, “I really need to pee,” and eventually, “Damn, I need to pee,” before being able to jump start the part of my brain which engages with the task of getting up and walking the ten feet to the bathroom, and initiates the movement which allows me to do that.
The more complex the task, the harder it can be, because a more complex sequence of actions must be, in some sense, imagined and targeted before the actions necessary to bring them about can be initiated. Most people are unaware that this process even takes place, because in a healthy brain, it occurs swiftly and automatically. In my brain, it does not.
—
Maud, There’s Good News and Bad News. And Fat News. (Shakesville)
Probably the best description of that particular aspect of depression that I’ve ever read. At least, that’s how it is for me.
(via kiriamaya)
(via theoceanandthesky) (via steepedinburningflowers)
i just need this on my blog again.
(via theoceanandthesky)
(via uhfrayedknot)
(via thatneedstogo)
Wow.
(via ethiopienne)
(via brazenbitch)
(via thechocolatebrigade)
So beautiful
to whom it may concern
Self contained. Making her way through an obstacle course of tables, heart beating rapidly as she’s idly twirling her hair. Windows, she’s looking for windows. Of course. When you spend your life inside a pestilent dungeon, you look for solace in sunlight. But there are no windows here. She wonders briefly why nobody else has noticed enough to mention this. They are too familiar now, the others who accompany her in this place. Their voices all sound like writhing on glass on a humid day, the type of voices that would echo if there were no solid objects to soak up the sound. Muffle the emotion inside them. Is there even any emotion? It’s hard to tell in the dark, so many lives separated by all these tables, and invisible barriers no one dares to cross. She breathes out air she wasn’t aware she was holding in. Broadsided by …. No, that never happened. She tugs the stray strands of her hair down hard to make sure her body hasn’t gone away, into the cold transparent fog with the others. She sees something across the room but cannot make it out as love, and suddenly it is clear to her that there is no real passion without desperation. Her hands clench with unexpressed emotion. Can’t find her calm. Self restrained. Never loved more, never wanted less. The sun beats hard on the rooftop, she doesn’t know. But she never stops looking for windows.
