Lightwords.

Safe

If I had a boyfriend who talked to me the way you talk to me, would you fear for my well being and describe my relationship as abusive? If he haunted me as I locked myself in my room, screaming at me and berating me, kicking and kicking and kicking to get the door down and threatening to get in no matter what, and you were aware of this, would you think my behavior had in any way warranted that kind of abuse? If he frequently and excessively called me a stupid spoiled bitch, a disrespectful brat, a psychotic piece of shit, would you not be the first to threaten him and possibly even take legal action against him? What about if he raised his voice at me so badly he was screaming at the top of his lungs, a deep static rage released from the bottom of his chest, vibrating his core and shaking the floor. If he raised his hands to overpower me, if he repeatedly threatened me that I would regret being such a selfish bitch. I bet you’d kill him, dad, with your bare hands. Wouldn’t you.
So why is it different when the perpetrator is you?
If he manipulated my mind with his fluctuating personas, his victim complex, his guilt trips and his dissociation from reality. Refusing to listen to me or even show any human emotions towards me. If he suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder and couldn’t see past himself to care for me or anyone. If he berated me so often I couldn’t remember the last time he made me feel good, and he constantly reinforced how good I have it, how bad I am, and how I don’t deserve to be treated like anything better than the piece of shit I am, would you side with him? Would you tell me I must show him utmost respect regardless because he loves me and has done a lot for me? I’m not so sure you would. So why, then, do you do so for my mother?
Just because you gave me life does not give you control over that life. It does not give you power over my mind or the PRIVILEGE to abuse me. I’m all grown up now. I need nothing from you. I’m leaving your house in a month. I feel like I’m exploding inside my skin. I will not be a victim to your sicknesses anymore.

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